Lloyd, a content creator, just moved to Los Angeles but is struggling to build a fulfilling personal and professional network in his new city. Stevon and Juleyka break down the importance of making meaningful connections that are aligned with your goals, and Stevon shares strategies for setting realistic expectations during and after a big move.
Lloyd George is a content creator with a passion for empowering creators of Color. Learn more about his work here.
Stevon Lewis is a licensed psychotherapist and coach. Learn more about his work and new journal here. If you loved this episode, be sure to listen to Telling Your Inner Bully to Shut Up and Pushing through Fears of Public Speaking in Med School.
We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and what's ahead as you grow. Send us an email or detailed voice memo to hello@talktoachievers.com, You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToAchievers and email us at hello@talktoachievers.com. And subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.
Clip: Moving forward might sometimes feel like going backwards or slowing down and finding a way to be okay with the discomfort and unpleasantness associated with that.
Stevon Lewis: What's up everybody? Welcome to How to Talk to High Achievers About Anything. I'm Stevon Lewis, a licensed psychotherapist. Today, we're talking about creating a brand new social network after taking a leap of faith and moving to a different city where you don't really know anyone yet. Before we get into it, I'd like to welcome Juleyka Lantigua, creator of our show. What's going on Juleyka?
Juleyka Lantigua:
Oh man, I'm feeling good. I've been excited about today. Thanks for having me.
Lewis: I'm so excited for this one because I'm from LA. So let me introduce our guest. Today, we have Lloyd on the show. Lloyd is an ambitious content creator who recently moved to LA to advance his career. He's excited to network and make new friends in his new home, but figuring out the different cultural and social dynamics here, which feel somewhat different from the ones where he used to live has turned out to be more challenging than expected. Let's get into it.
Lloyd: My name is Lloyd George. I was born in Zimbabwe. I lived there until I was 12 years old before moving to Atlanta, Georgia in the United States. I create content for brands that are interested in educating their audience about podcasting. I'm most excited about helping Spotify create social media content. I made a list of goals of the beginning of the year and that was one of the goals and so that's something I'm most excited about. I'm also excited about the fact that in the last few months my wife and I recently did something that was also on our goal list. We moved to LA and I've been here for five months so far and it's been amazing. And so at first we thought, "Well, if we're going to move, we should pick somewhere where it could maybe help our careers." And literally in two months we were moving to LA.
Moving to LA professionally was a very, very big challenge. We didn't know anyone here. LA is also just a city where you need to know why you're there to fully benefit from it. So for example, whenever I would go to networking events, people would want to help you. And so people might say like, "Well, what does helping you look like right now? Or how can I be helpful?" And I didn't quite have this move figured out or I wasn't fully clear on why it is I was in LA. I just felt like I needed to be in LA. And so it's taken me several months to kind of clarify what do you want to happen now that you're in LA? It's also been challenging because it's taken me a bit of time to make friends. I have now made four guy friends, which has been very, very nice.
I've also found a church. I found a barber, and so it is getting better. I can feel it feeling more like home, but it is scary. It costs almost double the city I was living in, but at the same time, I'm not at a point where I'm earning double. It scares me to think that there's a chance this could not work, that this could have been the wrong decision moving here. And so my wife and I have kind of put these sort of parameters like, "If we are here when our lease ends and we're not making this much money, we are not staying here." But at the same time, there are some other personal factors that go into this decision as well. I'm a very social person. I'm an extrovert by nature, and so meeting friends, meeting people, building relationships, that's very important on my list.
LA is a city where that is just kind of hard to do. Maybe about a month after I got here, I just so happened to go to dinner and when I got to the dinner, a few of my friends that lived in a different city, they were all having dinner together. And so I went up to them. I was like, "Oh my gosh, you guys are in town. How's it going?" And they were so excited to see me and so they were like, "Hey, there's actually someone else based here in LA that I'd love for you to meet." And so they all connected me with this lady and she was just so happy to be, and she's also in my industry as well. And so I was just like, great. And she was very insistent that we get coffee as soon as possible. And so the moment I started emailing her to set up the coffee, we actually weren't able to get coffee.
I tried to be persistent, but I think that that was just a nice gesture that she was doing because she was being courteous of her friends and my friends that were mutually connecting us. And so those sorts of interactions happen often in Atlanta if someone says like, "Oh, I'll follow up with you," for example, they'll probably follow up with you. If someone says that to you here, they may not mean it. It's just like a kind thing to say.
When I first got here, I took a lot of interactions with people very, very personal, and I could start to feel myself get a bit jaded. The culture here, especially professionally, it can be a bit cold, it can be a bit fast. Not that I have anything against that, but now that I understand how it works, I can play the game a little better. And I also try and make an effort to be very direct and straightforward with people when I meet them because I don't want them to have the experience and interactions that I had. So that's why that's important to me.
A year from now, I want to be in a position where I have friends here, I have relationships here so I'm working towards that.
Lewis: Lloyd, welcome to my city and thank you for sharing what you're going through. What stood out to me as I listened to Lloyd talk about his transition from Atlanta to Los Angeles was the idea that he's got some underlying expectations about how transitions ought to operate and some beliefs he's, I guess, cultivated from prior experiences that may not be suitable for the culture of Los Angeles. What stood out for you Juleyka?
Lantigua: First of all, his self-awareness is on level 99. First, he had the self-awareness to know that he needed to do this in conjunction with his partner and that it had to be beneficial for both of them. And then secondly, he had the awareness that he needed to learn how to ask for specific help. And this is something that people really struggle with and I mentor a lot and I'm also someone who's always ready to support you, but you've got to know how you need to be supported.
Lewis: More on this after a short break.
I mean, if you want support, you have to be clear about what that will look like because oftentimes you'll get suggestions from people or offers for help that won't be actually helpful or consistent with what you really need. And just kind of being biased since I'm from Los Angeles, I know that here you've got to be a bit direct and clear because people are possessive of their time and they're like, "Don't waste my time." So you have to bring something to the table outside of just wanting some assistance for support or talent.
Lantigua: I was very curious about what you thought about what he said about LA.
Lewis: I did have some feelings about his comments around my city. Just a few. LA can be unforgiving. There are people who are born here that leave for various reasons, and I do recognize that it is part of the culture that when we say, "Yeah, let's do that," it's being nice. And sometimes we don't mean that We have to see the value to really make that happen. And I think that that's maybe the downfall for some people when they come from other places where people say exactly what they mean and don't do the kind of niceties around, "Oh, I'm going to say or do this or make it feel good because I don't want to hurt you or let you down." That can be kind of, I guess jarring a bit and off-putting for some folks.
Lantigua: I know, but I think he adopted very quickly. He very quickly realized that he needed to adjust his expectations and as welcoming and positive and warm as people may come across, it does not necessarily mean it's going to actually translate into a favor or a meeting or an introduction. And so to me, that speaks volumes to understanding the marketplace and understanding the networking culture that exists because it's very different based on where you are.
Lewis: 100%. I have no doubt that Lloyd will be successful. Sometimes when we are going through transitions, we set these and especially high achievers will set these expectations of how fast something needs to happen and what that needs to look like, and he's given himself some room to adapt and then acclimate.
I was glad to hear that, that he's not putting so much pressure on things that have to happen in the first three to five months. I'm also kind of excited at the idea that he's continued to put himself out there, look for opportunities to network, reach out to friends that he has that may have mutual friends that live in LA so that he can continue to press forward, I guess.
Lantigua: Yeah. He also reminded me of something I say to young people coming into my industry, which is media and podcasting, and I remind them all the time that every offer is not an opportunity that you don't have to say yes to every single thing that someone or people offer you just because you are so eager for anything to happen, and Lloyd is being really thoughtful, really meticulous, really smart in the way that he engages with the networking opportunities that he has had. And I think it's really important for people, especially when you uproot your life and move to another place, to still be discerning so that you don't exhaust yourself pursuing things that actually are not going to get you further in what you actually want to be doing.
Lewis: That is a true superpower. It's a unique skill that not everyone has to be able to know your worth even when you're needing some support or help and so that you don't kind of just open yourself up to every opportunity that's offered to you that's not going to be in alignment. I think that Lloyd operates in this way of where he's able to sit back and be objective, and so he's not kind of just chasing after every little thing that looks like it could be potentially positive. He's being really reserved about doing that, and so that was really reassuring for me to hear that from him.
Lantigua: Stevon, the other thing that I really, really respected about him and the way that he shared his story is that he was really open about, "I'm not making that much money right now," and that speaks to the fact that there is implicit sacrifice required when you want to level up and that he went into this understanding, "This is going to level me up," but also understanding, "I'm going to have to make sacrifices in the meantime".
Lewis: That's a unique kind of adventure that we have to go on when you are trying to better yourself is that moving forward might sometimes feel like going backwards or slowing down and finding a way to be okay with the discomfort and unpleasantness associated with that.
Lantigua: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. All right. Let's distill all your wisdom and knowledge and tell us when we are being bold like Lloyd and his partner and we are going to take a big leap of faith so that we can move in the direction we want to be moving, what are some key things to consider, ways to prepare? What's your best advice coach?
Lewis: So when people are going to be making life transitions or changes that will uproot them and their family, some things they can do to kind of better manage that process to make it not so negatively impactful to them is to try to set expectations that are very general and less specific in terms of what that transition will look and feel like. That means to not be so hung up on what the risk is and the fear of that, and to not be so concrete on how quickly or how pleasantly or easily things are to occur. I think setting an expectation of incorporating, I guess, challenge as part of that transition process so that you can embrace some adversity and say, "Okay, this will be another thing that I'll have to navigate as I continue to push towards success will be really helpful".
Lantigua: 100%. I love coming to the show.
Lewis: I so appreciate when you show up. I love it when I see high achievers like Lloyd achieving on their own terms by finding clarity while still forging ahead, focusing on meaningful relationships and having patience during a transition period.
Lewis: And that's a wrap. Thank you so much for listening to How to Talk to [High Achievers] about Anything. We want you to be a part of our show.
We want to hear about your successes and challenges, your sacrifices and celebrations, and what's ahead on the journey for you. Send our Producer Virginia an email and we'll get your story on the show. She's at virginia@lwcstudios.com.
How to Talk to [High Achievers] about Anything is an original production of LWC Studios. Our show is produced by Virginia Lora, Tren Lightburn mixed this episode, Juleyka Lantigua is the Creator and Executive Producer. I'm Stevon Lewis.
On Twitter and Instagram, we're @TalktoAchievers. Bye, everybody.
CITATION:
Lewis, Stevon, host. “Finding it Hard to Network in a New City”
How to Talk to [High Achievers] about Anything,
LWC Studios., November 27, 2023. Talktohighachievers.com.